How can i overcome self-image problems? Feeling ugly?
I'm 16, male and live in the UK.
Since age 11 i have been bullied for numerous reasons; badly shaped nose, heavy brow, dodgey teeth, cystic acne, underbite, awful hair, and the fact that I'm gay. All of these now really affect my life.
I used to just brush the bullying off, but now I can tell it must have sunk deep seeing as I have dropped out of school. My family want me to go back, but i won't. Instead I have been working and saving, and fixating on things to improve my appearance. I have started accutane for my skin, getting braces in jan, jaw surgery summer 09, and been for consultations with view to rhinoplasty and a brow lift.
It's gotten so bad my dumb obsession with my looks that I'm even refusing to see my friends in fear that they will judge what I look like now and think bad of me.... Funny thing is, i think SO BAD of myself for feeling the need to *do these things* to myself... but i can't help it because i see it as the only way to feel worthy in society.
All photos of me i photoshop where possible, I pull and push my face in the mirror imagining what it will look like after surgery... and it really makes me feel as if I'm insane!
I try telling myself *I'm beautiful* and whatever, but it always turns in to *YOU WILL be beautiful after surgery' etc. Then I smile and get excited for wanting to butcher my face? :|
i want to have fun and go out, and go to college and do things i SHOULD be doing at my age - but i always get held back by the though of me 'not being atrractive enough' or 'people are only gonna ewwww at you' so I stay home/keep on working withthe hope surgery/dental/skin treatment etc is going to make it all better.
My mind is torn. i know its bad... but i love the thought of changing. I dont want to have to do it... but then i do!?
I'm seeing a second physciatrist in Jan. The first said I'm fairly normal to feel this way... he said *nothing major*. I explained it all began with the bullying and he just kept going on about how i need to find a way myself to overcome the issue - 'stay occuupied, set goals etc.' even though I told him its gotten to the point my goals are to alter myself permanently!
What other options do i have? I would love it if i could come out of this mess healthy and happy and just me. Right now, I'm slowly heading to the surgeons butcher pad!
sorry it's so long. I'm just desperate. I don't want to feel ugly, i don't want to be insecure, i don't want to be self conscious, i don't want to go through life always looking to self improve, i don't wan't the bullies to win. But i can't see another option...even though I KNOW its wrong...
though it might not be wrong... cus i might actually be hella ugly? lol :\
dammit. >.<
bacne and chest acne?
For the past couple years I have gotten really bad bacne, so much that there are scars that I feel very insecure about. Also for the past month I have started getting chest acne. The funny thing is that I don't get hardly any acne on my face. What can I do to eliminate the bacne and chestne? I also work out a lot and tan in tanning beds, not stand ups.
thank you =)