How can i overcome self-image problems? Feeling ugly?
I'm 16, male and live in the UK.
Since age 11 i have been bullied for numerous reasons; badly shaped nose, heavy brow, dodgey teeth, cystic acne, underbite, awful hair, and the fact that I'm gay. All of these now really affect my life.
I used to just brush the bullying off, but now I can tell it must have sunk deep seeing as I have dropped out of school. My family want me to go back, but i won't. Instead I have been working and saving, and fixating on things to improve my appearance. I have started accutane for my skin, getting braces in jan, jaw surgery summer 09, and been for consultations with view to rhinoplasty and a brow lift.
It's gotten so bad my dumb obsession with my looks that I'm even refusing to see my friends in fear that they will judge what I look like now and think bad of me.... Funny thing is, i think SO BAD of myself for feeling the need to *do these things* to myself... but i can't help it because i see it as the only way to feel worthy in society.
All photos of me i photoshop where possible, I pull and push my face in the mirror imagining what it will look like after surgery... and it really makes me feel as if I'm insane!
I try telling myself *I'm beautiful* and whatever, but it always turns in to *YOU WILL be beautiful after surgery' etc. Then I smile and get excited for wanting to butcher my face? :|
i want to have fun and go out, and go to college and do things i SHOULD be doing at my age - but i always get held back by the though of me 'not being atrractive enough' or 'people are only gonna ewwww at you' so I stay home/keep on working withthe hope surgery/dental/skin treatment etc is going to make it all better.
My mind is torn. i know its bad... but i love the thought of changing. I dont want to have to do it... but then i do!?
I'm seeing a second physciatrist in Jan. The first said I'm fairly normal to feel this way... he said *nothing major*. I explained it all began with the bullying and he just kept going on about how i need to find a way myself to overcome the issue - 'stay occuupied, set goals etc.' even though I told him its gotten to the point my goals are to alter myself permanently!
What other options do i have? I would love it if i could come out of this mess healthy and happy and just me. Right now, I'm slowly heading to the surgeons butcher pad!
sorry it's so long. I'm just desperate. I don't want to feel ugly, i don't want to be insecure, i don't want to be self conscious, i don't want to go through life always looking to self improve, i don't wan't the bullies to win. But i can't see another option...even though I KNOW its wrong...
though it might not be wrong... cus i might actually be hella ugly? lol :\
dammit. >.<
September 21st, 2010 - 06:31
Everyone goes through this – because everyone is genuinely ugly to someone else. For instance, I think Uma Therman is ugly as hell.
Like a piece of burnt bacon wrapped in poop… ugh.
The good news is, everyone is genuinely pretty to someone else too. Think of Michael Jackson – he thought that he was ugly so he got a bunch of plastic surgery to "fix" it. Come to find out, many more people found him attractive before the surgery than after.
The same is likely happening to you. You’re 16, which means that you’re probably the ugliest that you;ll ever be. The weird section between being a boy and a man was my worst moment in the looks department. Assuming that you try to keep fit, it all goes uphill from there.
You’re a guy – your face will change dramatically over the course of your life. Your teenage face is very different from what your young man face will look like, which will be very different from your mature man face, which will be very different from your old man face. Predicting that is difficult and pointless. And you are in luck – beards are in style right now :-)
It’s quite plain that people picked on you because you were different. It’s what kids always do (you’ll find that adults are MUCH less mean than kids are), and it always sucks. But for your own sake – you cannot give in. You have to learn to believe in yourself – and take both praise and abuse in the context that they are given.
You said "i don’t want to go through life always looking to self improve", but that is what life is all about. If you aren’t constantly improving yourself, then you become stagnant and bored. Try finding something that you can learn to do, that you’ve always wanted to do, that doesn’t require you to worry about your looks. In time, you may find that your looks have already improved AND you’re good at something you wanted to be good at.
September 21st, 2010 - 06:31
AWWW im so sorry you feel this way but honestly there’s no reason to. everyone has insecurities but that shouldnt stop you from living you life. if i were you,k instead of fixating on all these physical things, work on making your personality great! be friendly and outgoing and people will want to be arouind you regardless of what you look like! when ppl make fun of you or say something mean come up with something witty to say or just be like yeah real mature. dont let it get to you! whats on the inside really does matter more than appearances, so just relax and be comfortable with yourself =]
September 21st, 2010 - 06:31
you might not believe this but image problems tend to get better the older you get, they’re basically dead bottom in the teenage years because of hormones and such. you seem like a nice person. don’t make the mistake of losing your education to shame about your appearance, really most people care more about how you treat them aka. your personality than they do appearance anyway, and you can’t see your personality in a mirror :) go back to school and do well, in a couple of years your acne will clear up, maybe you can get braces or something and work out, and you’ll be feeling a lot better. i’m sure you’re not as ugly as you think. be confident anyway, you deserve to be proud of who you are.
September 21st, 2010 - 06:31
loads of people feel the way you do. youre putting your life on hold because of your insecurities.
so many people who accept themselves and gain confidence or seen as ‘beautiful’ by people. just cause their personalities outshine their looks and they dont judge.
i understand that you need to do what you have to do to make your life better for yourself. it may seem like the perfect solutions. but think about it carefully before you do. it can have the opposite effect. you may feel even more lost afterwards and like "You dont know yourself" or it could spur on more surgery and solutions to problems you havent even though of now. you’ll just keep going on at trying to etter your appearance for this desired look, and you wont know where to stop.
everyone has hang ups, and they just have to learn to deal with them. but if its really holding you back especially from your friends and schooling then id say do whatever you can do to make you feel that more confident. its actually very smart of you, setting a goal to help yourself instead of cowering somewhere self pitying. you have worked out that this is the road for you, once you fix these imperfections, will you be happier? getting good looks may seem like the way to a happier life but looks arnt everything. people still might judge you if you have a crap personality or all you think about is yourself..
maybe try and focus on betering yourself internally aswell… start a hobby, learn something new. think about it if you start socialising now and your friends ar nice to you, you will know they are your true friends and like you for who you are. after you "look good" how do you know theyre not just with you cause you look beautiful.?
try not let it hold you back before you get all this done.
good luck xx